


Demon-Cum-Snake

by DictionaryWrites



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Has a Vulva (Good Omens), Banter, Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), Cute, Humor, M/M, Making an Effort (Good Omens), Misunderstandings, Silly, Snakes, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Weird Biology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-28 18:34:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19399990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DictionaryWrites/pseuds/DictionaryWrites
Summary: Some snakes, upon copulating, leave in the female a mating plug, in order to prevent other males from trying to penetrate her, and in order to keep sperm in place.Crowley really didn'tmeanto.





	Demon-Cum-Snake

Crowley fell forward, against Aziraphale’s belly, his chest, and Aziraphale shivered at the full-bodied contact, at how pleasantly _cool_ Crowley’s body was against his own, even with their heated exertions of the evening. He couldn’t believe how _satisfied_ he felt, how his whole body was suffused with such a pleasant, relaxed warmth—

“Oh, Crowley,” Aziraphale murmured, reaching up to touch his fingers through Crowley’s hair, and Crowley groaned, shifting out of Aziraphale slightly, his back rippling with snakeish muscle as his fingers danced pleasantly over Aziraphale’s sides. “That was _wonderful_.”

“Mmm,” Crowley hummed, and he gave Aziraphale a lopsided grin. “Kinda a shame we put it off so long.”

“Well, dear boy, there _is_ time to make up for it,” Aziraphale said softly in reply, cupping the demon’s cheeks and pulling him to kiss him. Crowley’s mouth was soft and warm, his tongue just a little dryer than Aziraphale had expected, but this, kissing, oh, yes, Aziraphale liked it very much indeed, as much as he enjoyed the sex. The sex, yes, he should rather like to have _far_ more of this. “Splendid…”

“I’m gonna grab us another glass of wine,” Crowley murmured, winking one beautiful yellow eye. “Pull out those chocolates while we plan for another round.”

“The pralines?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“Oh, Crowley, you are _naughty,_ ” Aziraphale said admiringly, before adding, “and perhaps some of that strawberry pavlova, too? With the clotted cream? And, you know, it’s late, but we could order some sushi from that darling little place around the corner from—”

Crowley was laughing, his head tipped back as he wriggled his hips just slightly, drawing himself back a bit. Aziraphale could feel himself calming down somewhat, not quite as wet and open as he _had_ been, but the glow that suffused his body remained, leaving his muscles lax and pleasantly warm, leaving him feeling comfortably open and full… “Why did I think, angel, that it would stop with just one hedonism?”

“Just the pavlova and the chocolates for now. And the wine.”

“ _Jussst_?” Crowley asked, arching a playful eyebrow.

Aziraphale kissed Crowley’s chin, and chuckling, Crowley drew himself from the bed, moving naked, his flat, deliciously muscular arse swaying as he went in search of the fridge. Aziraphale stretched, shifting forward and drawing his thighs together slightly. There was just— Well, just the _slightest_ bit of resistance, which was surprising, and Aziraphale glanced down. He hadn’t—

Well, he was fairly certain he’d _notice_ if he’d pulled a muscle. That would smart a bit, wouldn’t it? He shifted experimentally, clenching his muscles, and he gasped, feeling… _Odd_. Very odd. It was rather like Crowley was still buried inside him, sort of stretching him out and rather unyielding.

He reached between his legs, touching the opening of his entrance, and felt…

“Oh, dear,” he murmured, and turned his head toward the corridor. “Crowley?”

“Yeah, angel, I have the restaurant’s number just here. You mean that chain place, right, not Musashi?”

“Musashi closed at ten, dear, no, er, what’s this?”

Crowley leaned his head into the room, and he followed Aziraphale’s gaze down. He raised his eyebrows, one hand going to his hips. “Well, angel, it’s a bit late for a biology lesson _now_.”

“Not— Not my _effort_ , dear boy, _this_.”

Crowley slunk forward, and then he froze, staring between Aziraphale’s legs. The menu was forgotten on the floor as he clambered onto the bed, reaching forward and spreading Aziraphale’s lips apart, and Aziraphale let out a sharp little whimper at the strange sensation, but at the—

It was so _unyielding._

“Oh, _angel_ ,” Crowley said, and Aziraphale saw that he was blushing furiously, a deep red colour blooming like rose blossom on his cheeks, staining his skin to the dusky colour of a dark wine. “I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

“What _is_ it?”

“Er,” Crowley said, and he touched it, pressing on its smooth, glossily opaque surface. It was stretching Aziraphale _wide_ , a little wider than Crowley’s cock had, and it barely moved when Crowley touched it, but he could feel the ever so slight shift of pressure, and he released a breathless little noise. “Well. There’s different names for it. I didn’t realize I’d— I didn’t _mean_ to.”

“I’m sure you didn’t, Crowley, but I should like to know what it _is_.”

“’S’a sement, you know. Er. A sphragis.”

“A _seal_?”

“Mm.”

“Well, it— It feels like mucus. You know, when it gets hard—"

“I didn’t sneeze in your cunt, angel.”

“That may be so, dear, but—”

“It’s not like _snot_ , it’s more like… a gelatinous secretion.”

Aziraphale kept his gaze on Crowley’s face. The demon fidgeted. Gently, Aziraphale said, “Crowley, and I— Now, do forgive me for saying so, dear boy, but that’s not a very sexy pair of words.”

“Well! It’s— It’s the sexiest you’re gonna get.”

“Well, what _is_ it made of?”

Crowley mumbled something.

“I beg your pardon?”

“S’from my kidneys, I think,” he muttered. “A kind of… secretion, er, from the kidneys.”

“Well, what in Go— What in someone’s name do you have kidneys for?”

“Because I don’t like wandering about with some of my organs missing,” Crowley snapped. “It feels _weird_.”

“I rather feel,” Aziraphale said, only a little icily, “that I rather have the monopoly on feeling weird right about now.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose—”

“What do you mean, you didn’t do it on _purpose_? This is an awful lot of mucus—”

“ _Secretion.”_

“— to place assiduously in my body by _accident_.”

Crowley winced, but his hands gently massaged the outer parts of Aziraphale’s cunt, playing gently over the fat outer lips, and it felt terribly nice, even stretched open as he was, and even with the natural absurdity of the situation in mind. “S’a _mating plug_. You know. Er, stops other males from getting at you.”

“Thank goodness,” Aziraphale said dryly. “I was ever so worried about that.”

“ _And_ ,” Crowley continued manfully, although the tips of his ears and the top of his chest were now turning brightly red as well, “it keeps the sperm inside. You know. So you’re more likely to get pregnant.”

“One needs all the odds one can get when one’s partner lacks a uterus, I suppose.”

“It wasn’t on _purpose_ , Aziraphale!” One of Crowley’s hands was now massaging a spinetingling apology against his thigh, the other one thumbing idly over his mons. It wasn’t a pressingly sexual pleasure – merely a vague implication in the direction of future orgasm, and was truly very soothing. “I didn’t even know I was doing it. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, it’s alright,” Aziraphale murmured, playing his fingers down Crowley’s hairless chest, playing over the skin there. “I don’t think there’s any real harm done, except perhaps to our respective dignities.”

“What’s wrong with _your_ dignity? You’re not the one who plugged up his partner’s orifice without even knowing.”

“Oh, my most humble apologies, do you think it’s _very_ dignified for a gentleman to walk about with said orifice full to the brim with— What was it you called them? Gelatinous secretions?”

“You’re not walking about,” Crowley said mulishly, but Aziraphale could see the shame on his face, and he stroked a comforting palm over the demon’s thigh.

“My point stands, Crowley.”

“Look, I’ll order sushi for us. Just let me get rid of this, and—”

Aziraphale’s hand shot out, catching Crowley’s wrist. Crowley met his gaze. “I don’t believe I said,” Aziraphale said slowly, deliberately, “that I said I _wanted_ you to get rid of it.”

He watched the bob of Crowley’s throat as he swallowed. “Angel, you just made fun of me _mercilessly_ , and—”

“I think I was quite merciful.”

“You were vicious!”

“Well, you plugged my vaginal canal with mucus!”

“It’s not mucus! And I didn’t mean to, and I said sorry, and I was going to get _rid_ of it—”

“I don’t _want_ you to get rid of it. It’s… rather… Well, it’s rather _nice_ , if you must so. Feeling so— Stretched out, and knowing that you’re being, ah, kept in me, in a way. And that I’m, well, that I’m something to be possessive over, you know. That your bodily impulse was to guard me from others.”

Crowley blinked at Aziraphale. He did not blink, by nature. When he did blink, it was ordinarily slow and exaggerated, just like it was now: a movement of eyelids that still felt foreign to him, crammed as he was into a human body meant to be inhabited by a human, and not by a demon-cum-snake.

“ _You_ ,” he said, leaning forward and gently squeezing Aziraphale’s sex, making an electric thrill rush to his clit, his gaze sultry and full to the brim with sparkling amusement, “ _like_ _it_. Don’t you, angel? You think it’s _sexy_.”

“I find _you_ most arresting, my dear,” Aziraphale said breathlessly, letting out a soft sigh as Crowley’s thumb played gently over his clit, his head tipping back. When he clenched, he was aware of the plug in him, so _tight_ … “Even the more unorthodox elements of your, _aah, my dear, that is sublime_ , of your biology.”

“What do you say,” Crowley asked, leaning in and brushing their noses together, his thumb still drawing in decadently good little circles, “that I order sushi, and you can eat as much as you want while I suck on this?”

“ _Oh_ ,” Aziraphale moaned, his eyes fluttering closed as Crowley rubbed a little harder, his fingers playing over Aziraphale’s mons in the most delightful manner possible, little shocks of pleasure shooting through him. “That sounds _wonderful_ …”

“And this,” Crowley tapped the plug with two fingers, making a dull sound, and Aziraphale gasped. “I’ll leave right here.”

“Thank you, dearest.”

“Aziraphale?”

“Hm?”

“You’re _mad_.”

“Madly in love, my dear,” Aziraphale said, and kissed him soundly.

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up [on Dreamwidth](https://dictionarywrites.dreamwidth.org/2287.html). You can send requests [on Tumblr](http://patricianandclerk.tumblr.com/ask), too. Requests always open. Check out [Fuck Yeah, Gabriel! too](https://fuckyeahgabrielgoodomens.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Remember that [the Tadfield Advertiser](https://tadfield-advertiser.dreamwidth.org/517.html) and the [Good Omens Prompt Meme](https://onthedisc.dreamwidth.org/9084.html) are both up and running, and people should definitely go leave prompts and fills on both!!


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